Redirecting...

I walked on the winding roads, acknowledged clearly so many bends that I had forgotten where to begin with.

Heavy footstep sounded so uncertain.

Every step bespoke of the pain I took.

Swerved to the left, in all my spite.

Swerved to the right, I hold on to my rights.

Hold on to my solid conscience, lead by the blinding lights which was raised on the road at the point where I had started to screw up.

Couldn’t scream it out.

Couldn’t find the way out.

The asphyxiated states contradict with the apparition’s life.

I stood on my perspective, observing their deafeningly clueless complaints and so called pain.

So ironic, so annoying that the contradiction between us annoyed me.

Just like how the Light which shone into my hopes and expectation.

How contradict could it ever be between His light and my life?

Between His holiness and my sins.

I have nothing to lose; nothing is left to be taken away.

What can I do when I’m already in this state that I am losing the control?

When we failed to grip hold the facts, it’s time to get back where we should have belong to.

Faith.

It’s so abstract that it overcomes the concrete.

Please, hold on to the one who electrify this universe.

He will always be and forever be the one who electrify your seemingly dying life too.

约 伯 记 Job:

5:17		神 所 惩 治 的 人 是 有 福 的 。 所 以 你 不 可 轻 看 全 能 者 的 管 教 。
5:18		因 为 他 打 破 ， 又 缠 裹 。 他 击 伤 ， 用 手 医 治 。

同类

其实人生悲欢离合，这很多人都知道

却总是来得太快，去得也很快。还没来得及微笑，就得懂得坚强的理由

不知道为什么，我总是被伤感征服

总是为小事情激动

为着生命每日的平凡，而开心了好久

也有一些人觉得我太情绪化，情绪化的有点夸张

我就是爱夸张得来却可以很冷静的东西

就如我板着脸说笑话，效果特别强烈

是上帝创造我时决定把我的情绪指数调高

他总有他的旨意

是否要我去接受这独特的性格

或是去征服这极端的情绪

上帝总有他对我的旨意，我深信这一点

别人不接受我的地方，总是让我很纳闷

因为我总是以我认为最佳的状态出现

而我所认为对的东西总是得不到共鸣

得不到共鸣的东西，总是被认为是错的

就算我是以好的出发点，只要不被认同，不被大众认同，就是错误

所以我的虚伪，是发自于我希望被认同

但日子久了，经历的事情不与以往一样

我不再追求被认同或看重

若有那么一位同类，我已经满足

生命有太多值得被追求的东西

我只求能用上帝给我的大爱，来看开生命的坎坷

因为爱能完美一切不完美

雨时的狼狈

雨后总是天晴的

就算再大的暴风

也有天晴的时候

我听着雨滴的声音

听着阳光被残留

残留后的复出

其间是多么的心碎

“悲欢离合总无情。一任阶前、点滴到天明。”

蒋捷到最后的心情，再也没像少年、壮年时那么的澎湃，那么的刻苦铭心。

我想象老年时的他，在僧庐下，在一个只容许平静的地方

细听着雨滴进他心坎里

那么的清脆，那么的心碎

他放下了吗？

也许只有在雨滴时，他任凭忧郁忧愁泛滥，直到天明。

BOOORING

During the exam week, I was easily distracted, always wanted to find something to look at, to read at or to listen on.

And so I accidentally found some pictures of mine.

I thought of uploading them, because they are very much entertaining.

Lol...

I laughed very hard when I see this. I was like havin a shock (std 6)

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Form 1

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Form 4

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I had tomyam during recess, rushed to the library to take this photo. haha (Form 4)

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Yea almost 80 percent ppl telling me I look exactly like Jee Hor in this photo. =.= Yes I do think so when Mr Pang gave me this photo. loool ( Form 5)

我回来了!!

长达21天的考试周，终于也熬过去了。。

在填上考试最后一张试卷的答案时，我叹了长达5秒钟的气，就好像气球泄气般，瘫在桌子上。

我真得很讨厌躺在桌子上睡觉，因为睡醒我真个脸会歪掉，但是没有办法，有很多张paper考完后，都还剩一个钟头多的时间。

考试时间该长的不长，该短的不短。

这21天。。。

天啊！我是怎么熬过来的？？

我已经很不想提我的熊猫眼，但我还是要说一下，真的很很很累！

总觉得书读不完的。。

我发现到只要是写作文，无论是英文或华文，我一定是写很可怜又伤心的故事，而且一定和爸妈有关的故事。

我还记得上次submit给校刊的essay是关于父母离异，后来我跟随着母亲生活。她常年在外国做生意，我一个人住在豪宅，很emo。我很讨厌把我家庭搞得非常糟糕的那位抢走我父亲的女人。

这次英文考试，我写的是：父亲有了另外一个女人，我和妈妈与弟弟一起生活，弟弟后来步入歧途，变成了毒贩。。。=.=

这次华文考试，我写的是父亲变得好赌而最后赔上了自己的生命，我和母亲相依为命。在我五岁的那一年，母亲带我到游乐场，坐在旋转木马前的板凳上，她离开我，从此我变成了孤儿。

后来在小学六年级，有位老师领养我，她教会我怎么让爱改变这世界。。

哈哈哈，在考试时很多华文字忘了怎么写。。而且我也写了好多歌词，但不小心把那一段“当爱相随，能完美一切不完美。。”给忘了

我不知道自己到底有什么欲望，为什么总是幻想这些东西。。。

我很想开pps啦，可是哥哥在家。。=.=

200 facts about me

I got this from my friend. lol You read it finish i give you a lollipop........with a condition where you have to remember the answer. Just kidding, no lolli for you.

Haha

200. My full name is: Cheng Ting Hui

199. I was born on: 11/5/1994

197. My cell phone company is: Sony Ericsson

196. My eye color is: Sparkling Black ==

195. My shoe size is: 8 or 9

194. My ring size is: Ring size? S eh? dunno la

193. My height is: 176cm

192. I am allergic to: Dairy product which contain lactose.. Cheese and milk will make me diarrhea =O

191. I was born in: the midst of hardship, just kidding, it's in hospital la apaden

190. I live in: Sitiawan

189. The last book I read: Additional Mathematic (SUCCESS)

188. My bed is: creepy, shaky, and noisy, but comfy!

187: One thing you hate about yourself: for being lazy all the time, and often indulge myself in trivia and nonsense

179. My favorite Holiday is: Christmas!

177. The last three cd's I bought: SONY CD-R 700mb, for recording purpose.

176. Last song that made me cry was: 我不难过- stefanie sun

175. Are you taken or Single: Single....and always be

174. If your taken, by who?: By a guy..

173. Do you like being single/taken?: nah, don't mind if i'm taken but i'm enjoying being single

170. What did you do last night?: Trying to revise 15 chapters of Add maths.. =.=

I Do (YES), Do Not (NO) Believe In :

142. Love at first sight?: Yes

141. Luck?: Yes.

140. Fate?: Nope, i see it as God's will

139. Yourself?: Myself? Yes or no? har?

138. Aliens?: Yes

137. Heaven?: Yes.

136. Hell?: Yes.

135. Ghosts?: YES i have my eyes closed when I turn the lights off before going to the bed...

134. Horoscopes?: Nope

133. Soulmates?: Yes

Which is Better?

129. Hugs or Kisses?: Kiss

128. Drunk or High: High (getting drunk very dangerous)

127. Phone or Online: Phone... hiak hiak hiak

126. Red heads or Black hair: Black

125. Blondes or Brunettes: Icy blonde with hair split in the middle.. =O

124. Hot or Cold: Hot

123. Summer or winter: Summer

121. Chocolate or vanilla: Creamy vanilla

120. Night or Day: Totally a night person

119. Oranges or Apples: Apples, because clever person observes it a lot, like doctor and newton XD

118. Curly or Straight hair: Straight

Here's What I Think About

116. Abortion: Your mum wish she aborted you last time if you do abortion

115. Backstabbers: Coward and get a life

114. Parents: Mum talks a lot and daddy is veh cool

Last time I

103. Went out of town: Last week, went to Ayer tawar church

102. Had food: Lunch

101. Seen someone I haven't seen in a while: Yea, LI SIEW!!!!

100. Cried in front of someone?: Last month during the revolution night in Wesley!

99. Grew: LOL I have negative growth, does it count?

90. Who is the dizziest person you know?: my mum, she's always say sth I dun understand in the phone and is the most random ppl i've known so far

89. Who makes you laugh the most?: Myself, SAMMMYYY, and my mum

87.The last movie I watched: The Chorus. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chorus_(2004_film) SUPER COOOOL

82. What I don't understand is: why does guy always irritate me?

80. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever received is: Short forms msg " Idk, u 1 2 do wad l8tr?" Yes i am saying you. i mean YOU

79. Something I will miss when I leave home is: My piano, my bed and my comforter which comfort me when there's thunderstorm.

78. The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: The last day when spm ends

77. The thing that I'm not looking forward to is: The 1st day of spm starts

73. Tomorrow: Going to church??

72. Today: Just flunk my add maths and chemistry

71. Next Week: LAST WEEK OF MID YEAR TEST!!!!!!!!!

70. Next Summer: is going to be very hot

67. People call me: Green Tall Person, ting hui, oi, hey, wey, last but not least mei nv! haha

62. The person who knows the most about me is: Jesus. because i don't even know myself

60. The most difficult thing to do is: To study a month before the exam starts, tried for 13 years, never success

59. I have gotten a speeding ticket: Har?

56. My zodiac sign is: Taurus

55. The first person I talked to today was: Dad. He asked me " when ur exam ends?" he asked that since three weeks ago and forgot it every single day

54. First time you had a crush: Crush? Nuts? Hahahaha

53. The one person who can't hide things from me: Myself

52. Last time someone said something that you were thinking?: My neighbour, i was thinking today test is super hard, and he just said it to his dad at the same time. lol

51. Right now I am talking to: Philips. My monitor.. haha

50. What is your dream job?: To be famous, muahahah

49. First job?: in the church typing stuffs and receiving calls

48. I have/will get a job at? : church

47. I have these pets: Random bird that fell to my shop's kitchen, a puppy, a kitten and a HAMSTER!!!! It's like super cute

46. I hope: I can love God more than blogging, facebooking, music, and myself.

45. The worst sound in the world: The grumble of my stomach when i'm hungry or eaten sth bad, and during hiccup.

44. The person that makes me cry the most is: Myself

39. My girlfriend is: LOTTT!

35. Florida or Hawaii: Hawaii

33. My favorite piece of clothing is: skin

32. My favorite sport is: Badminton

31. Last time I cried: Last month

30. My friends are: not as cool as me. XD

29. My computer is: a devil

28. The school I go to is: not to let my parents worry, actually i rather study myself. ==

27. Last person I got mad at: The one who asked me if i would go the road and died.. ==

22. The all-time best movie is: STEPHEN CHOW

21. The all-time best thing in the world is: to be born in my family. My parents are cool, siblings are cool and to be given chances to learn music

20. The person you like is: logical person who talks wisely and knows music

19. The person you love is: my family

18. The most annoying person you know is: annoying? My back-door neighbour, who scolds her son whenever i am sleeping

17. I lose respect for people who: doesn't respect me and my family

16. The movies I have cried at are: can't remember

15. Closest friend name: Walao this set of question really endless... err i dun have CLOSEST friend, but i have lots of close friends

13. Favorite web site: Facebook, ideals for life.

12. I want to be: a musician

11.The worst pain I was ever in was?: Two days ago, stomach ache

10. My favorite word is: SERIOUSLY?????

9. My room is: messy. Lol, jee hwa will be cursing at me

8. My favorite celebrity is: JAY CHOU

5. My weakness is: being too extreme

4. What I like about the opposite sex: shoulders, long legs, flat stomachs, and small eyes!

3. Who broke your heart: Lots

2. One thing that makes you feel great is: To know god since the day i was born and dun have to worry if i would have to spread gospel to my family..

1. You filled out 200 questions because?: I want to escape exam, PHYSICS! IS! A! BITCH!!

悬空，正要掉落悬崖ing

沉重的无力感，不知道要到何时才会停止。什么都不想做，什么都不想去想。

已经失去了活着的那一份热情。只是有时候去教会，还能暂且平息那无力感。

总觉得再也没有什么事可以让我去追逐或期待。同样的，再也没什么事可以让我感到一无所有的呆在自己的孤岛去伤心还是愤怒。

现在是考试周，还会持续两个星期。我此刻应该要感到压力还是紧张书读不完，但我竟然啥感觉都没，奋斗意志忍心离开我了吗？

我对将来临的放假、家庭营、双亲节庆和将要学驾汽车竟然一点期待都没有。Not at all.

对于吃饭也没感觉，有没有吃，只是一个日常生活的东西，没兴趣。

写着这篇文章，我的身体是向后靠，手指间温存着惰性，慵懒地趴着键盘。

这样的情况持续了好一段日子。

昨天去检查了我的体重，竟然瘦了3 公斤。

该死的3公斤，竟然背叛我，你岂能忍心离开我？害得我的校裙不时会移位，口袋悄悄地跑到后边去。

BMI仅剩下16.8 ，病态的体重谁稀罕，我想也只有减肥减上瘾的Model们吧，我不要。

七里香

很久没上来这儿写东西，也许是因为长期失去了单独与自己灵魂和思想的时间。

最后一次播着音乐，写着感触与感性绞缠的文章，似乎是去年的事情。

是因为我太坚强，而忽视了心中脆弱的小孩，还是Mr Ong的错？

应该是Mr Ong吧。。。XD

透过发黄并生锈的铁网，强烈的阳光确是那么温柔地，轻轻地，斜斜地搭在我的肩膀上。

温热的风，依旧那么熟悉地让我追随着自己透彻的思想。透彻得让我什么都不想，只想当下的气息。

空中似乎漂浮着自己的思绪，好自由哦。。

大家埋头努力考试。

班上很宁静，独特的宁静让我很清新，也许班上在这一年到头都没静过吧，有着焕然一新的感觉。确实很平静，身上的集中在于我的双眼。

不知为什么，桌上堆满着涂改液的字迹，墙上不知是谁画上的模糊太阳，手上触摸着考试纸的触感，黄黄旧旧的科室，这一切的那一刹那，陈旧了我的视觉。

我好像代替着十年后的我看待这一刻，自足。

发黄的记忆来了太早了哦。。。=）

思念，连同那阳光，亲吻我的阳光，会随着我的那一叠思念，随之加增。

哎，差那落叶，我就可以唱 “院子落叶，更我的思念厚厚一叠”

哈哈！

最近，再AEC时常出现一个广告，是关于一部福建的连戏剧。

“你说会让我靠一辈子” 这一个台词。。。

然后，“问” 的这一首歌随之响起 ---- 只是女人容易一往情深，总是为情所困，终于越陷越深。

每次播这一画面，不知为什么我好想哭。

可能因为我是女人吧。。

Seventeen-gonna-be

Well, basically if I don't blog for a few months, that indicates I am very busy.

Nah, just kidding, I've never been so busy that I don't have time to on my computer. I hope someday I do have this kind of situation, because it sounds very cool.

" Hey why I don't see you on Facebook recently?"

" Because I have at least 10 meetings to attend every day. Can you hold on for a while? I have to answer phone. Hello? Oh yea, 7 o'clock. No, that's not right. *2nd phone rings* Can you wait for me? *answers 2nd phone* Hello? No, I have meetings, I'm free next year."

"..... See you next year."

Haha, just kidding. I don't like that kind of lifestyle. I would die because of the radiation.

So, let's talk about my form 5 life. It's still as hectic as it should be, tuitions and homeworks. But somehow I don't feel like to end my high school life larh, I will definitely miss it.

You don't have chance to scream about in the class when you know the fact that teacher isn't coming. (Uh, I practically thank god when I know my malay teacher isn't coming. =P)

You don't get to know friends that will stick to you whenever you go if your classmate is changing every day.

You don't have chance to anticipate the school reopen day to see your friends!

You don't have MONTHS of holidays.

You don't have classmates screaming to sing the birthday song to you!

You don't get thrilled when it's 10.25 every day.

You don't have bell ringing.

You don't have assembly.

No negaraku.

Anymore.

Well, we can't expect to stay in form 5 just because you love the things above, we still have to move on.

I am writing this it's just because I don't like the fact that we have to change the way we live in our life. The process of moving on can be a hard task when you love yearning and remembering the past a lot.

And I think I am not an love-to-attend-gathering person. I assume I am not. Because I don't see my brothers and sisters attend gathering ever since they left the school.

LOL.

Passer By II

Things just get back to normal, and I don't feel want to think or speak about it. I feel that I was a passer-by, went through their life, and then continue carry on my life. Everything back to square one, and that's what I had expected and decided at once when things happened. Delete me. Or maybe forget me. =)