日记

星期一                                        雨天

睡醒了，刚才我所发的梦依然清晰，一直在我脑海中回荡着

他是谁？我不晓得

不过我记得他拥有着与其他人不相同的气质

似乎只有在我眼中才能看见的气质

他拉着我的手不知所措，就在那棵大树下他不顾一切地尝试把话说完

他的手好冰哦

哦对了，为什么那棵大树不断地婆娑？

原来是暴风雨

我依然听不见他想要说的是什么

梦中好寂静，却很伤感

耗费了一段刷牙的时间，我依然记不起来他的样子

把手机盖划上，9.20a.m

呵，很习惯地把它当着时钟来看待

空当的信箱是否意味着一些东西呢？ 

面子书上人来人往

我看见了你的执著，没有任何回应，头也不会地离开

为何你从不放弃漂泊？

我愕然发现原来往后我们会离开起点

回忆会在那里一触即发

然后我们会一起分享此刻的我们

肚子撑着那份被味精化的午餐

打了一声嗝，自己不好意思地笑了起来

都不晓得自己在不好意思什么

饭厅空当得给了我最彻底的回应

原来已经1.00 pm

电脑无聊得我不想碰

我回到了我的床上，发呆

不知道何时睡着了

我梦见了她，她对着我说他已经离开了她

抓着我的手，扼腕地问我有没有人可以代替他

激动得哭了起来，跌坐在地上，问我可不可以理解

一切发生得太快，梦醒了原来已经3.00pm

本来已经很讨厌下雨天的午后

手上握着冷冰的方向盘，雨模糊了我的视线

好不容易到了教会，他们的吵闹，有点太欢乐

让我先听见圣诞节所传来的钟声，从不远方哦

6.00pm 雨细微地下着，似羽毛般飘落

晚餐、洗澡

听说台湾会很冷，因为这里刺骨的冷风温柔地、疯狂地吹着

阿桑陪我一整夜

野餐记

说真的，我已经好久都没为某件事而感到激动和兴奋

就是那种晚上就算再累，都不怎么睡到觉或是发了一连串的梦

在星期二的傍晚，我们为ah mao farewell，在marina the bar

farewell 她去很远又很冷的国家 -  英国

虽然是farewell，不过我们都很开心 =.=

给于她的寄语，我们都写在卡片啦

还有那贵到要命的寒衣

ahmao 回家没有感动落泪，我会很郁闷！XD

令我有感触的地方是

要回家的时候，当我们并肩走着要到停车场时

那一阵海风

很强烈

晚上睡觉时，因为隔天要去海边野餐

超兴奋的！我都睡不着

因为睡不着，我想起刚才的那一阵海风

很强烈

我一直以来对于海都有一种莫名的热血

每次看到海，我都会很乐

spm折磨了我这么久

当我听见海浪拍打着沙滩上时

当我吹着迎面而来的海风

当我看见这一片又宽、又蓝、好无止境的海时

它不只宽阔了我的视野，也宽阔了我对大自然的大爱

为什么上帝可以把海创造得那么悠蓝？

简直让我忘了这一年来一直呆在的那小小房间，还有那小小心房

小得无法容纳任何人

当时，和朋友们在一起的时刻只有疯狂和欢乐

把我这orz都忍不住跳跃得高高的

阳光很灿烂

这一切都映入眼帘

也许在我生命中发生了一些事情令我的世界崩裂

让我从此无法看见阳光

不过此景在我眼前的当下

我融化了

垂滴在幸福中

哦！对了！

我好久不见的海龟

在那一天我遇见了它

你看见它了吗？

不知道它过得怎么样？

严爵说休息是为了走更长的路

这是真的哟

但我们总要晓得我们是为了什么而走更长的路

而我希望祂能永远是我的旅途

在我们离开的时候

我向海道别

那一天我看开的，不只是对于他再已不存在我的旅途里

还有那一片大海

再见咯~

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我很想去pulau tioman 啦！！！

后记：那一阵风，依然很强烈哦~

白目念头和宏伟梦想的一线之差

其实我一直以来很想写小说

想到什么，就写什么

我要这女主角永远寂寞也行

我要这男主角为她疯狂也行

总之结局一定要是凄惨的

剧情必须要极为幸福来衬托这结局的残忍

写任何东西，都为的是那结局

可以不择手段，为所欲为地铺成情节

为什么？

说不上为什么，我就是想要这么做

或许人生太多的事情，我想要发生的事情

都在我还没等到结局时已经崩溃

可能是因为结局并不如我所愿

所以不算！重新再来过！

我就是这样

选择听我想要听的

做我想要做的

所以那一天我打开了microsoft word

决定写一篇轰动全世界包括橘子本人的小说

我面对着电脑前的空白

正等着我去填补这空白一页的microsoft word

我心想着要用第一人称写吗？

要不要先做一个构图，概述一下情节啊?

那些鬼屁优美句子要不要拿来参考一下？

光是想这一些，完全、彻彻底底地打消了写小说这件事

我自认白目，呵。。说写什么小说

这故事告诉我们

你曾经的伟大梦想，会因着自己设下的局限

而最终堕落成为你自己认为的白目念头

就在这一线之差哦

我想，创作这门东西

还是即兴会比较好，因为是最真诚

没有经过大脑的真诚会比较触目惊心

妈妈依然爱着你

其实我是红着眼眶写着这一篇

因为说真的，如果我是你

我早已经放弃自己

你已经好厉害了

好好生活

她会以你为傲

至少你会好过一点

对不起，我是由你的朋友才知道这件事

我真得很希望现在的我

是你的好朋友

可以在你身边支持你

但我不是，因为我们真的不熟

我很想安慰你

但是若我是你，对于陌生人的安慰

我会认为那是嘘寒问暖

同时

我不希望知道任何详情

关于她痛苦离去的详情

因为 truth hurts

从此以后，你只会比别人飞得高

比别人来得更坚韧

她的离去，必定要成为你活得更有意义的动力

守护着你的，不只是她哟

别读

七次了

我上来这，然后打了两行的字

结果什么都写不出

这重复动作，一共有七次

他们说这是 “克莫斯勒亚症状”

你不要去google

因为这病状不存在，只是我随意哈拉的

我太过无聊

因为生命曾经起伏很大

大到你现在叫我跳bungee jump 我都嫌太sub sub the water 了，拜托

你就允许我在这，毫无思绪地把我不晓得的东西写下

后天考文学，我在这。。

本来要练文笔，不过，我真的已经思绪平如镜，静如水

没有任何的波动，我不懂怎么办啦

算了

我去吃一些启发性的橘子，用九把刀切

够波动了吧

还原-ing

那一天下课的时候

我照旧地头也不会地从他们当中默默离开

就在那时候， 有这么一个声音告诉我

“婷慧，你是怎么了？”

我有一点措手不及，因为那声音正是来自我心里最底层的那一块传来

有时微弱的连我都听不见的声音

现在却惊动了我，因为连我都不知道何时的我变得如此

如此计较

如此固执

如此冷莫

当下的我，选择逃避这声音

我对自己说：“习惯就好。。”

却在昨晚上

星期六晚上-青少年聚会- 赞美敬拜-

有股暖流涌进那早已沉睡的热诚

当下的我不晓得有什么意义在里头

但是我觉得我的内心正在转变着

突然想起，

在学校的食堂，一起下课，一起share share

在学校的厕所，捂着嘴巴鼻子照镜子

在学校的草场，在大树下聊废话

在学校的隔壁，一起吃早餐

在学校的对面，放学时，有这么一位朋友踏脚车到我身旁陪我等妈妈来载我

因为变质了

不可能可以毫无缺陷、毫无痕迹地还原

但是不是因此

我就得忽略了曾今的时候


曾今在大风刮时一起放风筝的时候

曾今在中秋节在ah mao 家提灯笼的时候

曾今在新年时踏脚车拜年的时候

曾今一起踏脚车去wonderful gift 买礼物的时候

我没有忘记那些“曾今的时候” 以及在学校哈哈大笑的日子

只不过被我收藏起来

我觉得应该没有人（包括我）在那些“曾今的时候” 的日子

很用力地笑时

晓得如今的我们却变得如此

回不去的终究回不去

那么就从新来过吧


http://shatteredlife511.blogspot.com/2008/11/2k2008.html
http://shatteredlife511.blogspot.com/2009/07/blog-post.html
http://shatteredlife511.blogspot.com/2010/02/blog-post.html
http://shatteredlife511.blogspot.com/2010/03/blog-post_10.html
http://shatteredlife511.blogspot.com/2010/08/definition-of-happiness.html

连我现在都没办法相信我曾今写过这一些文章

你的在意，你的努力，我看见

每晚和我说晚安

只不过这一切暂时显得生疏

我有点受宠若惊

给我一点时间吧

还有这粉红色生日卡片

我没忘记

随你怎么说

很多时候，当我站在生命巅峰

回头把我的人生再看一遍时候

很多事情显得透彻

透彻得你可以一眼看到底

我最爱这时候

因为曾经也许被称为 的“forbidden memory"都承载着浓厚的回忆

可以无拘束、尽情地回忆一遍

因为放下了

有时就是放下了，所以才离开

可以毫无保留地离开

友情这一份东西，我早已放得下

可以不去在意任何东西而离开

你们的一举一动都让我贬低了自己的价值

是否我的存在感可有那么低吗？

为什么没有人要和我说话？

幸好所存留下来的，都因着不认同我对于自己的想法

而继续存留在我的身边

其余的，总是需要我的时候出现

我需要的时候消失

确有这么一个人告诉我

“谁叫你随便付出真心？谁叫你这么单纯？”

我宁愿继续付出真心，虽然会被痛恨地蹂躏一遍（我是说我的真心，不是我的身体），而不要错过那继续愿意和我说话的人

他们的不闻不问

是因为我长得可怕？

还是从来没有人像要问？

我一直很在意这么一件事情

去年，我很想庆祝生日

因为一直以来我从来没有和朋友庆祝过生日

不是我不愿意

因为朋友的不闻不问

甚至在中一时候，有这么一位朋友和我说：“我因为买了某某某的生日礼物而没有钱买你的，所以生日快乐！”

哈哈，可笑吧？

所以去年的时候，我想应该是最后一次庆祝生日的时候吧

因为今年是考试年

所以我开口问了

他们答应了

就在Kenneth's place

我当晚一个人坐在未端

没有任何我说话，只是偶尔会有人敷衍我一下

我只收到一份礼物，而且是来自一位和我不是很熟的隔壁班朋友

完毕后

我一直以为会有礼物还是surprise

结果我自己付钱，他们付他们的

本来我姐要和我庆祝，结果我说：“哈哈哈！！你没有机会！我朋友要和我庆祝。”

去**的生日，从此我很讨厌祝生日，因为会让我想起表错情的糟糕感觉

结果回到家

姐姐：“有没有收到礼物？”

我：“有。。”

姐姐：“我要看！”

我：“下次给你看”

姐姐：“有没有很开心？还是和我庆祝会更开心？”

我：“很开心。。”

我也从此不想和任何一位来自他们那一群的朋友出去

因为不想再自讨苦吃，自己丢自己的脸

中三那一年，因为想到能和他们继续同班

我差一点开心到爆

结果坐我旁边的一年到头都把椅子移到隔壁一桌

而中四的时候， 她竟然问回我：“欸？去年你和谁坐啊？”

我不想要乞讨任何东西

因为你们不值

去年月考，每一个人都受到bio tips，除了我

到了学校才晓得是考 rodent and ruminant

“哈哈哈哈！！你没有收到tips啊？”

没有人和我道歉（因为之前吩咐过他们记得传给我）

只有这一位朋友的讥笑

今年考trial

同样的，他们收到的其中几封是我传给其中一位的女生然后我吩咐她把tips传给他们

结果，同样的是bio，到了学校才晓得我收到错的tips

而他们没有人把正确的传给我

我愤怒的是

为什么我这么得noob？

没有人会想起我

是我的问题？

我太高？

我太无聊？

我太废？

还是我太奇怪？

你会问我

为什么我要把这一些都写下来？

因为我要忘记，所以写下，把记忆空了出来，赤裸裸地写下

然后彻底忘记。

也许以后看回这一篇，我会把这一切都拿来回忆一遍

只好对读者们说

谢谢你愿意读这一遍

我truly感激

读书破万卷，下笔如有神

今天考华文，让我们又爱又恨。

我选了这题目---（4）知识是美好前途的保障 （试说你的看法）

在以刚开始看到这题目时我直接跳过了，因为我从没写过议论文，或许写过，但是都没能拿到高分

而最近不知道什么问题，写抒情文的感性以及记叙文的创意都被埋没了

或许从来没开启过，因为在我的印象中我的作文都是偏低

这让我很寂寞，因为没了分数的陪伴= 没了共鸣 = 没了认知 = 没了同类 = 绝种

我开玩笑啦，怎么可以随便让学校华文老师来主宰我们对华文的热情呢？

因为主宰的是骆驼

为什么是骆驼？

因为我的热情，好像一片沙漠

沙漠。。骆驼

不好笑对不对？我也这么认为

好，回归整题。。我跳过了题目，所以看了（1）感恩

我想了好久，有什么事情值得感恩滴。。

有老师，父母。。。

就是这样。千篇一律。。就是只有这两方面

最终没了办法，因为其他题目都必须牵涉到故事，我就是没办法写啊！！

（4）知识是美好前途的保障 （试说你的看法）

我想了想，不对，知识怎么可以成为美好前途的保障？保障？？？美好前途的保障？？！！

若有了外在的因素，如--政治，道德价值观的扭曲，国家的安危，心灵以及身体上的健全--的话，知识随时会被淘汰！

再加上那些执意自己族群的极端理念的恐怖分子？或是其他为了达到目的而用尽了办法的坏人？

他们滥用知识，站在知识的巅峰，企图创造出对于自己有利的武器。

他们的确拥有了美好前途的保障 ，不过却造就了他人生命的终点！！

不能成为美好前途的保障，反而成为绊脚石！

真是的，什么题目来？这么的极端，这么的肤浅！！

经过了心中的一段OS之后，刹那间。。。

（试说你的看法）

（试说你的看法）

（试说你的看法）

（试说你的看法）

（试说你的看法）！！

我突然醒悟，华文考卷好像在给我这个脸 〉〉〉〉 =.=

哈哈，原来是叫我提供我的看法啦，我太冲动了。

所谓：读书破万卷，下笔如有神

我平时的书籍都被我乱摔，乱丢

破得也不少，没有一万，都会有几百卷吧

我肯定可以下笔好像神般！

希望我能获取高分，因为这次我很期待

Lesson learned

It was a wonderful day. I spent time memorizing colonization and succesion during the night at 11.30p.m. After that I went to sleep.

Woke up at 3.00a.m, went to make a coffee, devoured it while doing revision on Biology.

Looking at the list which was clearly written about what are going to be tested on later.

Hey, it's cheating! But well, question leak, everyone has that, in Perak.

Looking at the list:

Colonization and succesion (yo ticked)

Support and loco ( ticked)

monohybrid (ticked)

bla bla

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Yes, i finished reading them. I am so gonna owned them.

And guess what happened? Reached at the school, finding there are actually another version of tips.

And none of them telling me about it.

Paper 2 and paper 3 has nth related to the tips that I spent times memorizing.

Great.

你是懒惰虫

瓦靠，什么事情发生？？？

我的 “火星人篇” 在短时间内有80多的点击率？

橘子超出名的啦，我随便提一提她的名字，破了我平时少得可怜的点击率的post

你们不妨也试一试呀

今天是假期，我难过到不行

因为没得跟教会的人一起去爬山玩水

而且我现在开电脑也得偷偷摸摸，不然家人会骂啦

可是我也好久没开了

预考要到了。。

这就是我不喜欢写部落格的原因，因为会腾出自己好好反省的时段

然后写到一半非常内疚

然后我就会很神经质的突然把全部东西关掉

回房读书

每读多久

就睡着了

醒了之后

就会很想

开电脑！！

我要疯了，因为其实我开电脑更本没东西要做

面子书很无聊

部落格，不见得有人看

好啦，这样好了

我们大家一起把电脑关好不好

该去上班的就去

该去做家务的就去

该预备考试的就去

该练琴的加油吧

再见啦

让我们一同打击懒惰虫！！

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p/s: 摘至于GOOGLE 我不晓得画酱可爱的东西啦

火星人篇

其实，离开的不只是爱情，还有的是自己。

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我在一个晚上，把橘子的----《唱給火星人的10首情歌》一口气读完。

读到了1.30a.m

我呆呆的看着 --全文完-- 这三个字

有点失落，因为童恩最终还是去了日本

去了东京铁塔

人来人往的人群当中很容易寂寞的东京铁塔

我睡觉醒来

睁开眼睛的那一刹那，不知为什么却想起这么一句话

“其实，离开的不只是爱情，还有的是自己。”

很橘子的一句话

我很努力地recall到底在哪里听过或是读过这么一句话

。。。

我想不起来

失落了一段刷牙的时间

之后认真地把这句话写起来

然后思考

爱情离开后，总是把你心中的某部分也带走

取而代之的是寂寞和悲伤

因为爱情的突变，连自己也变了

不再是曾经所把持着的那一颗心

怎么能说得上自己的呢？

都是橘子惹的祸

我太入戏了啦。。哈哈

我要回去我的星球了

掰掰

Redirecting...

I walked on the winding roads, acknowledged clearly so many bends that I had forgotten where to begin with.

Heavy footstep sounded so uncertain.

Every step bespoke of the pain I took.

Swerved to the left, in all my spite.

Swerved to the right, I hold on to my rights.

Hold on to my solid conscience, lead by the blinding lights which was raised on the road at the point where I had started to screw up.

Couldn’t scream it out.

Couldn’t find the way out.

The asphyxiated states contradict with the apparition’s life.

I stood on my perspective, observing their deafeningly clueless complaints and so called pain.

So ironic, so annoying that the contradiction between us annoyed me.

Just like how the Light which shone into my hopes and expectation.

How contradict could it ever be between His light and my life?

Between His holiness and my sins.

I have nothing to lose; nothing is left to be taken away.

What can I do when I’m already in this state that I am losing the control?

When we failed to grip hold the facts, it’s time to get back where we should have belong to.

Faith.

It’s so abstract that it overcomes the concrete.

Please, hold on to the one who electrify this universe.

He will always be and forever be the one who electrify your seemingly dying life too.

约 伯 记 Job:

5:17		神 所 惩 治 的 人 是 有 福 的 。 所 以 你 不 可 轻 看 全 能 者 的 管 教 。
5:18		因 为 他 打 破 ， 又 缠 裹 。 他 击 伤 ， 用 手 医 治 。

同类

其实人生悲欢离合，这很多人都知道

却总是来得太快，去得也很快。还没来得及微笑，就得懂得坚强的理由

不知道为什么，我总是被伤感征服

总是为小事情激动

为着生命每日的平凡，而开心了好久

也有一些人觉得我太情绪化，情绪化的有点夸张

我就是爱夸张得来却可以很冷静的东西

就如我板着脸说笑话，效果特别强烈

是上帝创造我时决定把我的情绪指数调高

他总有他的旨意

是否要我去接受这独特的性格

或是去征服这极端的情绪

上帝总有他对我的旨意，我深信这一点

别人不接受我的地方，总是让我很纳闷

因为我总是以我认为最佳的状态出现

而我所认为对的东西总是得不到共鸣

得不到共鸣的东西，总是被认为是错的

就算我是以好的出发点，只要不被认同，不被大众认同，就是错误

所以我的虚伪，是发自于我希望被认同

但日子久了，经历的事情不与以往一样

我不再追求被认同或看重

若有那么一位同类，我已经满足

生命有太多值得被追求的东西

我只求能用上帝给我的大爱，来看开生命的坎坷

因为爱能完美一切不完美

雨时的狼狈

雨后总是天晴的

就算再大的暴风

也有天晴的时候

我听着雨滴的声音

听着阳光被残留

残留后的复出

其间是多么的心碎

“悲欢离合总无情。一任阶前、点滴到天明。”

蒋捷到最后的心情，再也没像少年、壮年时那么的澎湃，那么的刻苦铭心。

我想象老年时的他，在僧庐下，在一个只容许平静的地方

细听着雨滴进他心坎里

那么的清脆，那么的心碎

他放下了吗？

也许只有在雨滴时，他任凭忧郁忧愁泛滥，直到天明。

BOOORING

During the exam week, I was easily distracted, always wanted to find something to look at, to read at or to listen on.

And so I accidentally found some pictures of mine.

I thought of uploading them, because they are very much entertaining.

Lol...

I laughed very hard when I see this. I was like havin a shock (std 6)

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Form 1

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Form 4

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I had tomyam during recess, rushed to the library to take this photo. haha (Form 4)

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Yea almost 80 percent ppl telling me I look exactly like Jee Hor in this photo. =.= Yes I do think so when Mr Pang gave me this photo. loool ( Form 5)

我回来了!!

长达21天的考试周，终于也熬过去了。。

在填上考试最后一张试卷的答案时，我叹了长达5秒钟的气，就好像气球泄气般，瘫在桌子上。

我真得很讨厌躺在桌子上睡觉，因为睡醒我真个脸会歪掉，但是没有办法，有很多张paper考完后，都还剩一个钟头多的时间。

考试时间该长的不长，该短的不短。

这21天。。。

天啊！我是怎么熬过来的？？

我已经很不想提我的熊猫眼，但我还是要说一下，真的很很很累！

总觉得书读不完的。。

我发现到只要是写作文，无论是英文或华文，我一定是写很可怜又伤心的故事，而且一定和爸妈有关的故事。

我还记得上次submit给校刊的essay是关于父母离异，后来我跟随着母亲生活。她常年在外国做生意，我一个人住在豪宅，很emo。我很讨厌把我家庭搞得非常糟糕的那位抢走我父亲的女人。

这次英文考试，我写的是：父亲有了另外一个女人，我和妈妈与弟弟一起生活，弟弟后来步入歧途，变成了毒贩。。。=.=

这次华文考试，我写的是父亲变得好赌而最后赔上了自己的生命，我和母亲相依为命。在我五岁的那一年，母亲带我到游乐场，坐在旋转木马前的板凳上，她离开我，从此我变成了孤儿。

后来在小学六年级，有位老师领养我，她教会我怎么让爱改变这世界。。

哈哈哈，在考试时很多华文字忘了怎么写。。而且我也写了好多歌词，但不小心把那一段“当爱相随，能完美一切不完美。。”给忘了

我不知道自己到底有什么欲望，为什么总是幻想这些东西。。。

我很想开pps啦，可是哥哥在家。。=.=

200 facts about me

I got this from my friend. lol You read it finish i give you a lollipop........with a condition where you have to remember the answer. Just kidding, no lolli for you.

Haha

200. My full name is: Cheng Ting Hui

199. I was born on: 11/5/1994

197. My cell phone company is: Sony Ericsson

196. My eye color is: Sparkling Black ==

195. My shoe size is: 8 or 9

194. My ring size is: Ring size? S eh? dunno la

193. My height is: 176cm

192. I am allergic to: Dairy product which contain lactose.. Cheese and milk will make me diarrhea =O

191. I was born in: the midst of hardship, just kidding, it's in hospital la apaden

190. I live in: Sitiawan

189. The last book I read: Additional Mathematic (SUCCESS)

188. My bed is: creepy, shaky, and noisy, but comfy!

187: One thing you hate about yourself: for being lazy all the time, and often indulge myself in trivia and nonsense

179. My favorite Holiday is: Christmas!

177. The last three cd's I bought: SONY CD-R 700mb, for recording purpose.

176. Last song that made me cry was: 我不难过- stefanie sun

175. Are you taken or Single: Single....and always be

174. If your taken, by who?: By a guy..

173. Do you like being single/taken?: nah, don't mind if i'm taken but i'm enjoying being single

170. What did you do last night?: Trying to revise 15 chapters of Add maths.. =.=

I Do (YES), Do Not (NO) Believe In :

142. Love at first sight?: Yes

141. Luck?: Yes.

140. Fate?: Nope, i see it as God's will

139. Yourself?: Myself? Yes or no? har?

138. Aliens?: Yes

137. Heaven?: Yes.

136. Hell?: Yes.

135. Ghosts?: YES i have my eyes closed when I turn the lights off before going to the bed...

134. Horoscopes?: Nope

133. Soulmates?: Yes

Which is Better?

129. Hugs or Kisses?: Kiss

128. Drunk or High: High (getting drunk very dangerous)

127. Phone or Online: Phone... hiak hiak hiak

126. Red heads or Black hair: Black

125. Blondes or Brunettes: Icy blonde with hair split in the middle.. =O

124. Hot or Cold: Hot

123. Summer or winter: Summer

121. Chocolate or vanilla: Creamy vanilla

120. Night or Day: Totally a night person

119. Oranges or Apples: Apples, because clever person observes it a lot, like doctor and newton XD

118. Curly or Straight hair: Straight

Here's What I Think About

116. Abortion: Your mum wish she aborted you last time if you do abortion

115. Backstabbers: Coward and get a life

114. Parents: Mum talks a lot and daddy is veh cool

Last time I

103. Went out of town: Last week, went to Ayer tawar church

102. Had food: Lunch

101. Seen someone I haven't seen in a while: Yea, LI SIEW!!!!

100. Cried in front of someone?: Last month during the revolution night in Wesley!

99. Grew: LOL I have negative growth, does it count?

90. Who is the dizziest person you know?: my mum, she's always say sth I dun understand in the phone and is the most random ppl i've known so far

89. Who makes you laugh the most?: Myself, SAMMMYYY, and my mum

87.The last movie I watched: The Chorus. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Chorus_(2004_film) SUPER COOOOL

82. What I don't understand is: why does guy always irritate me?

80. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever received is: Short forms msg " Idk, u 1 2 do wad l8tr?" Yes i am saying you. i mean YOU

79. Something I will miss when I leave home is: My piano, my bed and my comforter which comfort me when there's thunderstorm.

78. The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: The last day when spm ends

77. The thing that I'm not looking forward to is: The 1st day of spm starts

73. Tomorrow: Going to church??

72. Today: Just flunk my add maths and chemistry

71. Next Week: LAST WEEK OF MID YEAR TEST!!!!!!!!!

70. Next Summer: is going to be very hot

67. People call me: Green Tall Person, ting hui, oi, hey, wey, last but not least mei nv! haha

62. The person who knows the most about me is: Jesus. because i don't even know myself

60. The most difficult thing to do is: To study a month before the exam starts, tried for 13 years, never success

59. I have gotten a speeding ticket: Har?

56. My zodiac sign is: Taurus

55. The first person I talked to today was: Dad. He asked me " when ur exam ends?" he asked that since three weeks ago and forgot it every single day

54. First time you had a crush: Crush? Nuts? Hahahaha

53. The one person who can't hide things from me: Myself

52. Last time someone said something that you were thinking?: My neighbour, i was thinking today test is super hard, and he just said it to his dad at the same time. lol

51. Right now I am talking to: Philips. My monitor.. haha

50. What is your dream job?: To be famous, muahahah

49. First job?: in the church typing stuffs and receiving calls

48. I have/will get a job at? : church

47. I have these pets: Random bird that fell to my shop's kitchen, a puppy, a kitten and a HAMSTER!!!! It's like super cute

46. I hope: I can love God more than blogging, facebooking, music, and myself.

45. The worst sound in the world: The grumble of my stomach when i'm hungry or eaten sth bad, and during hiccup.

44. The person that makes me cry the most is: Myself

39. My girlfriend is: LOTTT!

35. Florida or Hawaii: Hawaii

33. My favorite piece of clothing is: skin

32. My favorite sport is: Badminton

31. Last time I cried: Last month

30. My friends are: not as cool as me. XD

29. My computer is: a devil

28. The school I go to is: not to let my parents worry, actually i rather study myself. ==

27. Last person I got mad at: The one who asked me if i would go the road and died.. ==

22. The all-time best movie is: STEPHEN CHOW

21. The all-time best thing in the world is: to be born in my family. My parents are cool, siblings are cool and to be given chances to learn music

20. The person you like is: logical person who talks wisely and knows music

19. The person you love is: my family

18. The most annoying person you know is: annoying? My back-door neighbour, who scolds her son whenever i am sleeping

17. I lose respect for people who: doesn't respect me and my family

16. The movies I have cried at are: can't remember

15. Closest friend name: Walao this set of question really endless... err i dun have CLOSEST friend, but i have lots of close friends

13. Favorite web site: Facebook, ideals for life.

12. I want to be: a musician

11.The worst pain I was ever in was?: Two days ago, stomach ache

10. My favorite word is: SERIOUSLY?????

9. My room is: messy. Lol, jee hwa will be cursing at me

8. My favorite celebrity is: JAY CHOU

5. My weakness is: being too extreme

4. What I like about the opposite sex: shoulders, long legs, flat stomachs, and small eyes!

3. Who broke your heart: Lots

2. One thing that makes you feel great is: To know god since the day i was born and dun have to worry if i would have to spread gospel to my family..

1. You filled out 200 questions because?: I want to escape exam, PHYSICS! IS! A! BITCH!!

悬空，正要掉落悬崖ing

沉重的无力感，不知道要到何时才会停止。什么都不想做，什么都不想去想。

已经失去了活着的那一份热情。只是有时候去教会，还能暂且平息那无力感。

总觉得再也没有什么事可以让我去追逐或期待。同样的，再也没什么事可以让我感到一无所有的呆在自己的孤岛去伤心还是愤怒。

现在是考试周，还会持续两个星期。我此刻应该要感到压力还是紧张书读不完，但我竟然啥感觉都没，奋斗意志忍心离开我了吗？

我对将来临的放假、家庭营、双亲节庆和将要学驾汽车竟然一点期待都没有。Not at all.

对于吃饭也没感觉，有没有吃，只是一个日常生活的东西，没兴趣。

写着这篇文章，我的身体是向后靠，手指间温存着惰性，慵懒地趴着键盘。

这样的情况持续了好一段日子。

昨天去检查了我的体重，竟然瘦了3 公斤。

该死的3公斤，竟然背叛我，你岂能忍心离开我？害得我的校裙不时会移位，口袋悄悄地跑到后边去。

BMI仅剩下16.8 ，病态的体重谁稀罕，我想也只有减肥减上瘾的Model们吧，我不要。

七里香

很久没上来这儿写东西，也许是因为长期失去了单独与自己灵魂和思想的时间。

最后一次播着音乐，写着感触与感性绞缠的文章，似乎是去年的事情。

是因为我太坚强，而忽视了心中脆弱的小孩，还是Mr Ong的错？

应该是Mr Ong吧。。。XD

透过发黄并生锈的铁网，强烈的阳光确是那么温柔地，轻轻地，斜斜地搭在我的肩膀上。

温热的风，依旧那么熟悉地让我追随着自己透彻的思想。透彻得让我什么都不想，只想当下的气息。

空中似乎漂浮着自己的思绪，好自由哦。。

大家埋头努力考试。

班上很宁静，独特的宁静让我很清新，也许班上在这一年到头都没静过吧，有着焕然一新的感觉。确实很平静，身上的集中在于我的双眼。

不知为什么，桌上堆满着涂改液的字迹，墙上不知是谁画上的模糊太阳，手上触摸着考试纸的触感，黄黄旧旧的科室，这一切的那一刹那，陈旧了我的视觉。

我好像代替着十年后的我看待这一刻，自足。

发黄的记忆来了太早了哦。。。=）

思念，连同那阳光，亲吻我的阳光，会随着我的那一叠思念，随之加增。

哎，差那落叶，我就可以唱 “院子落叶，更我的思念厚厚一叠”

哈哈！

最近，再AEC时常出现一个广告，是关于一部福建的连戏剧。

“你说会让我靠一辈子” 这一个台词。。。

然后，“问” 的这一首歌随之响起 ---- 只是女人容易一往情深，总是为情所困，终于越陷越深。

每次播这一画面，不知为什么我好想哭。

可能因为我是女人吧。。

Seventeen-gonna-be

Well, basically if I don't blog for a few months, that indicates I am very busy.

Nah, just kidding, I've never been so busy that I don't have time to on my computer. I hope someday I do have this kind of situation, because it sounds very cool.

" Hey why I don't see you on Facebook recently?"

" Because I have at least 10 meetings to attend every day. Can you hold on for a while? I have to answer phone. Hello? Oh yea, 7 o'clock. No, that's not right. *2nd phone rings* Can you wait for me? *answers 2nd phone* Hello? No, I have meetings, I'm free next year."

"..... See you next year."

Haha, just kidding. I don't like that kind of lifestyle. I would die because of the radiation.

So, let's talk about my form 5 life. It's still as hectic as it should be, tuitions and homeworks. But somehow I don't feel like to end my high school life larh, I will definitely miss it.

You don't have chance to scream about in the class when you know the fact that teacher isn't coming. (Uh, I practically thank god when I know my malay teacher isn't coming. =P)

You don't get to know friends that will stick to you whenever you go if your classmate is changing every day.

You don't have chance to anticipate the school reopen day to see your friends!

You don't have MONTHS of holidays.

You don't have classmates screaming to sing the birthday song to you!

You don't get thrilled when it's 10.25 every day.

You don't have bell ringing.

You don't have assembly.

No negaraku.

Anymore.

Well, we can't expect to stay in form 5 just because you love the things above, we still have to move on.

I am writing this it's just because I don't like the fact that we have to change the way we live in our life. The process of moving on can be a hard task when you love yearning and remembering the past a lot.

And I think I am not an love-to-attend-gathering person. I assume I am not. Because I don't see my brothers and sisters attend gathering ever since they left the school.

LOL.

Passer By II

Things just get back to normal, and I don't feel want to think or speak about it. I feel that I was a passer-by, went through their life, and then continue carry on my life. Everything back to square one, and that's what I had expected and decided at once when things happened. Delete me. Or maybe forget me. =)

Next time you point a finger, I'll point you to the mirror

Listening to Paramore - brick by boring brick. I want to let you know how awesome is this band.

They make the coolest music in this universe or at least in this world. The greatest and intriguing voice, accentuated with the beautifully written lyrics ever existed by the vocalist of the band - Hayley Williams.

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*gasping for air* She is pretty, isn't it?? The roaring red hair makes her peculiarity and that was also why I stopped at the MTV Channel and watched her MV.

The songs are all written by the lead guitarist Josh Farro together with Hayley. I love almost all the songs and I can't pick out which one is my favourite. I simply can't. TT

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This is Josh Farro, his younger brother Zac Farro was the drummer in the Paramore. They are Italian. I do think Josh is very cute!!!

"Keep your feet on the ground, when the head's in the clouds"

It's one of the lines in the Brick by boring brick. I didn't understand what it meant until Sam had told me what it was.

It means how much you dream in your life, you still have to stick to the reality, just like having your head in the clouds but remember to keep your feet on the ground.

The first song that I heard from them which is also the reason why I am writing this blog is Brick by boring brick. Sam introduced me this song when I went to her house.

It's just like a sudden outburst of uncontrolled emotion, and afterwards I was busy downloading their songs and singing along with it.

Most of their songs are not really accepted by my friends, because the band's musical style are generally regarded as emo, pop punk.

But I can introduce two songs which are more "soft" and I think you may like it.

The only exception is kinda different from their musical style, and I like the MV too!!

This is Where The Lines Overlapped in ACOUSTIC version, it's ridiculously creative and nice. I love this song very much, it gives me a feeling of getting all attention just to tell you NO ONE IS HAPPY AS US!!!

Recently I was told that the drummer Zac and his elder brother Josh departed from the band.

Seriously? Then who's going to write song??

Paramore has their specialty and one of them is the DRUMMER! They have the most catchy and "exaggerate" drum beats. Their drum beats kinda reminds me of hillsong.

Their departure made us realized how fake was them in the sense of being bond together as a band during the past.

Because before this I was watching videos from Youtube - Paramore Behind Brand New Eyes . It's about the process of writing the songs and lyrics, and the progresses of making this album. Josh and Hayley were talking how grateful and how awesome to be bond as a band.

But the next second I knew was the departure of the brothers from the band.

A few years back, Josh and Hayley were couples!

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SO SWEET!!!

But they broke up because firstly they were secretly dating, Josh wanted to go public but Hayley didn't want to. It might influenced the band because people would've seen them together and thought the songs and lyrics were all about them.

Currently Hayley is dating Chad, the guitarist from New Found Glory.

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Omg la, Josh is way cooler and at least he doesn't make himself a tattoo freak. HE LOVES HIS SKIN!!

You can take a look on Josh's exit statement to know more. It explains also why their lyrics are so negative and well, I like emo stuff. LOL

I hope they won't find some noobies to replace both of them la...

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Maybe I know somewhere, deep in my soul, that love never lasts. We've got to find other ways, to make it alone or keep a straight face. -Paramore-

I say youth says!

Do you want to see something cool? (lines from Green Hornet XD)

Yea, today I want to introduce something to you! Have you ever heard about Youthsays?

It's a community of Malaysians who choose cool stuff to share on social media and get rewarded with cash, points and prizes!

It's just like nuffnang. You can make banners on your website and when someone click the advertisement you'll earn money.

But the difference is, using youthsays, you can post the advertisement EVERYWHERE! Because they provide you the link, and mostly I'll just post in on facebook, or twitter, sometimes on my blog.

Besides from the advertisement, they also pay you for doing the SURVEYS! RM0.3 per each survey!

Btw, there is another special feature in youthsays, you can earn CP (contribution points). You earn it through answering questions posted on the website or doing polls.

That's not money, but you can use the cp to bet or win things such as concert tickets, ipod nano, or chances to get extreme makeover.

You can turn the valueless cp into valuable prizes! How cool is that?

Go sign up one!! FAST!! WHILE STOCK LAST!!

http://says.my/tinghui/invite

Dream

I dreamed a super weird dream yesterday, it's so random that when I got up, I laughed non-stop.

Can you imagine someone wake up from her sleep and cannot stop laughing?

There were three parts but I'll just tell you one part.

First, I remember it's all bombs exploding in my house area, and there were still bombs landing here and there.

So Teng Siu (my sister) asked us ( me and Jee Hwa) to pack and rushed into the car which she just bought ---VIVA ( in real life she does own a Viva).

We're worried because we couldn't contact my parents, Jee Hor and Ting Ting as well. But we got to go.

Anyway, we managed to get into the car and Teng Siu drove the car so fast that she banged into everything.

We somehow managed to find a kampung and a house. I don't know how we could do that but it simply happened in my dream.

I was traumatic because things happened too fast and I lost contact to my parents, then I was unconscious for the next few months.

When the time I got up...

Teng Siu owned a McD, and it's so popular that every one goes to her McD. AND SHE SELLS NASI LEMAK IN MCD!

That's all.

Oh yea, at the end I don't know why I saw my mum washing plates in McD.

Piles of homeworks

I like my Sejarah teacher, Puan Choo so much. She's the first ever history teacher who successfully made my eyes open and mind clear throughout the Sejarah class.

Eh hello? Sejarah leh. The first chapter was talking about the nationalism of the asian countries. She managed to let us to have a urge to know more.

She doesn't really read the text in the text book like what others do, instead she writes her own mind map and geography maps and explain every thing through the maps.

Seriously, I can remember the main point of the 1st bab by just listened to her teachings.

Btw, do you know Aung San is the father of Aung San Suu Kyi?

And Puan Choo is going to take us to watch The King and I which is a movie about the King Mongkut ( this guy is mentioned in the nationalism of Thailand in the text book together with the King Chulalongkorn).

My English teacher, Me Eric. Oh my goodness. His nostrils are so distracting, I have my eyes glued on them when he's talking. How can a human has that big and round nostrils? The way he teaches are also incredibly surprised me.

Every day during his class, we have to read this thing out loud.

"He she is was they you are were bla bla bla...."

Like seriously have to memorize it? And he deeply hopes that we will not going to be the 3D students. Dumb, deaf, and donkey.

Mr ong who is teaching us add maths and maths, makes sure we have heaps and heaps of homework which cannot be done for ages.

Exercise 1.2 (2 to 20), Objective (1 to 10), Subjective (1 to 10)

TT

The Egg Tarts Ambassador Jenny Lau Bee Kean

I cannot say that 5SC is better or a lot funnier than 4SD. Different person with different style marh...

I'm now sitting with The Egg Tarts Ambassador Jenny Lau Bee Kean. In front of me is The Freak Centaur Chew Sing Hui, beside him is The Cantonese Fail Ling Zi Xian.

Three of them are making me more crazier than ever. Sing Hui is talking about the dirty stuff all the time and he can even relate the Sejarah with porn? Omg la

Jenny is still the shorty who makes me feel taller and her laugh is epic. You can see everyone turn around and look at us whenever she laughs.

Zi Xian?? I wonder how she copes with her long hair when she's in the toilet. Lol. And I'm kinda worry her since she's sitting with Sing Hui. Will she turn into a pornography pro at the end of the year?

Oh no, I can't imagine that a girl touching her long hair while dealing with the porn? Ewww..

I was texting with Jenny Lau Bee Kean just now...

Jenny: Hello my girl... what are you doing?

Me: I'm fascinating with the egg tarts? You're hungry? Wait ten years later when the egg tarts tower is build first la..

Jenny: Shapo! ( she spams the word shapo in the msg) Hahahaha ( she spams the word haha too).. It's funny...oh thanks...i don't like egg tart...and i'm full now...I miss you so I text you :D

Me: Of course you miss me! How can you not miss me? You're born to miss me. You miss me to live. You make a living of missing me. You're totally lifeless without me. I'm kinda feel I'm important to you, next time buy egg tarts for me okay?

Jenny: ==

Haha, sorry for the lameness. Btw, you must be thinking why egg tarts?

Because before this we're talking about which tower is taller in the world and I'm going to build a tower named 蛋塔.

If you still don't understand the joke, then you're epic fail.

BBTTWW, I think of another funny thing happened last year in 4SD.

Miss Ho: " Whose umbrella is it at the back there?"

Me: " Rihanna's."

Class: "=..="

Collision

For the first week of school reopen, erm, it's still normal and nothing special happens.

It was a chill morning, I went to school at 6.50 a.m. Lol, because I wanted to get a best seat in the class, I couldn't afford to have a seat where I have to stretch my neck like a giraffe to see the white board or the white board reflects light when it's sunny day.

All credits to Centaur Chew Sing Hui who made it for my best-seat-hunting. *applause*

So, the new principal, had his first speech on the assembly. He's so dead strict.

The fringe cannot touch the forehead, if it does, it must not be longer than half of the forehead. ==

Oh btw, he's bald. So he has HIGH FOREHEAD which is almost out of infinity. So he maybe is just jealous seeing us have FRINGE!!

I have 6 tuitions. English, Malay, Biology, Physics, Add Maths and Chemistry. I have tuitions from Monday to Sunday.

Yea, I know it's a lot, and I probably starting to get tired and PONTENG! If I really have to cut off one tuition, it will be English. But I changed my mind when the moment Mr Eric Hong stepped into my class.

Sigh...

Oh yea, I want to mention about The Great Biology Teacher Mr Pang. He can't speak English well and he doesn't know how to pronounce it. Orz

" Spermatozoa produce during the spermatogenesis process. You also can say spermatozoa as sperm. You cannot sperm it wrongly, it's S-P-E-R-M!"

==, notice the wrong word he used??

"Please update your folio cell."

Wth la? What did that supposed to mean?

" All girls' die, but guys' don't die."

???

Btw, I just came back from my chemistry tuition.

" What's the definition of the collision theory?"

" It explains the collision theoretically."

Lol

Seventeen

Seventeen.

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Seventeen.

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Current.

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Seventeen.

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Current.

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Seventeen.

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Current.

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Seventeen which is current.

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FUTURE!!!

UPDATE: Goh Chia Guan said that I look alike with ZHONG JIA XIN!!!